The Very Ugly Scribble
There. It's ruined.
My dad sketches and watercolors and has an ever growing pile of pocket-sized sketch books.
I remember as a teenager lying draped over the arms of the wing back chair, glazed over in my fourth hour of a Law and Order: SVU marathon, and my dad scurrying into the living room and holding up a fresh notebook like he was about to read me a story.
“Look at this!” His eyes wide, he flipped to a blank page in the middle and scribbled an ugly little mark. “See? Now it’s not perfect. Now you can’t be afraid of ruining it!”
Even though a version of this exact scene has happened nearly a dozen times since, I must admit, it never fails to inspire me for at least 45 minutes. I even tried it myself when I finally saw one too many Inktober posts on Instagram and thought, “Yeah, I think I could be really good at that really fast,” bought $150 worth of materials, made my life-altering scribble, and never touched it again.
Well anyway.
On an unrelated note, here’s every single thing that’s currently in my notes app. Even the boring stuff! I’m not curating this for the funny stoner thoughts. (Right? They must be funny, right?)
Whatever. Nobody’s going to see this anyway.
But...like, what if somebody does? It’s kind of thrilling. Like running a red light at 2 AM at an empty intersection without any cameras.
Ok ugh. I literally just read through all of them. And I actually don’t think I can bring myself to post these.
Wooo! Ok! Here we go! For real this time!
Story ideas Eating alone at a diner, older lady eating alone talking on the phone to son. I start to imagine us being friends Another person gets the chance because they actually talk and I don't Or She pulls out "what we actually know about Jan 6" written by someone who writes for the federalist. Imprimis publication by Hillsdale college She attends All Souls non denominational Anglican church? I'm trying to figure her out. What's the story here?
And the whole world knew Even though I hid my journals among the cookbooks and yearbooks I held my breath to keep from sighing Because They saw my hot skin And my vibrating pupils
Helen Ross Mcnabb Crisis service Knoxville Old st. Mary's by Fulton
Nobody will ever be able to capture the surrealness of being in a modern house in the 90s. It was like 30s art deco but...mall.
Starlight darlins
Matias in my second block asks Miss How do you know when you are in love? True story Says the comedian No The teacher And it is And how do I answer "Well, do you think about him all the time?" Yes "Do you hurt when you miss him?" "Your chest, or your head, Or the backs of your arms?" Yes And I can't write this As a poem Because it's too ordinary No one would Believe it
Christmas
-Whimsy on Sutherland 11-6
-Trailhead vintage market 12-5
-Union Ave
-Aldi
-Target/walmartThe silver scar Of the interstate cuts Through Nikki Giovanni's Living room Well Not really But close
Things you can do to get your grade up by today May 25 at
2 PM
open letter to the cat who pisses on my front door
Legally, this is your house now. You've marked it.
Monologue from the molasses in the back of the fridge
Monologue from the 6th bottle of fish sauce
Monologue from the Tupperware that has gone through
the dishwasher 3 times because I'm a weird shape and
putting me in the cabinet is too stressful
I think I'm starting to break down a bit? Shouldn't you
be worried about the micro plastics I'm shedding?
I look at myself everyday, and I have no idea what I look like. What do other people see? Who am I actually? No two more dichotomous questions
Dance floor?
Zim Elevated effect Funded strategies
With that meeting said IIIII Iiiii I
Did fhghhhfddh hvhjb I went to green day this weekend and was healed. It's music that represents the only good parts the best parts of my adolescence being in middle school. That was where I felt comfortable. I'm realizing that the drop in the stomach feeling I get when I remember the worst parts of middle school was the new found disappointment I felt from adults. When a teacher I thought respected me suddenly criticized me I remember that time. That's how you're treating me.
I saw a deer on sharps ridge Surrounded by kudzu and mimosa and privet It was there on the way down, too
Therapy 2 smart goals What do I want to be different? If I could wave a magic wand what would be different instantly? LifeConnections
Long beach California 5623775755
Lucia Berlin a manual for cleaning women
Grading papers
ACT reading Vocab Paragraph Read it for overall
Christmas Mom Sewing bag Earrings Liz Long chain necklaces Union Ave gift card Keychain pepper spray Bethany Smokey Bear puzzle with little bears Face mug Earrings Theragun Dad Headphones Mushroom ornament Olive oil Department Bookmarks/chocolate Sarah's party Campbell's soup thing
Wow! I honestly never thought anyone would see this, let alone read to the bottom. Thank you so much for giving it your attention and kind words.
"With that meeting said" was actually supposed to be "with that BEING said" but I was trying not to edit anything. I was tallying how many times our principal said it in a faculty meeting (it was a lot).
But yeah! I'm hoping to turn something here into something more complete. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the "what does love feel like" snippet. There's something there, but I don't know how to develop it.
okay so I love this so much
I love the poem about knowing when you are in love, and the monologue of the Tupperware with the weird shape, and the one about not knowing what you look like, and you describing that drop in your stomach caused by the new found disappointment by adults. It all feels very valuable to me, and very authentic - but I mean it is from your notes app and I think it’s a very bold and awesome idea to just post that!
Also with some of the notes I just wonder what they could mean. Like „with that meeting said“ - were you trying to write down the contents of a meeting but ended up not really writing anything? And did you write down stores to shop in for Christmas? I also wonder if you ended up getting all the presents you wrote down for the people on the list. Sometimes I feel like - because I also make present lists for Christmas - I never end up actually getting everything on that list.
This is just such an interesting peak into the life of someone I don’t know.
Awesome